Why cutting off all contact with an ex is the only way to move on (2023)



Updated October 18, 2022

By Monica Parich

MBG employees

Monica Parikh is a former lawyer turned dating coach. She is the founder of the School of Love NYC, where she teaches courses in breakup rehabilitation, social-emotional skills, and relationship psychology. He has appeared in Bustle, Man Repeller, Marie Claire, and others.

Last updated on October 18, 2022

(Video) Cut Contact with Your Ex to Get Over a Breakup (No Contact)

The no contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex after a breakup and is the best method of getting away from an ex.

No contact must last at least 60 days and does not include texting, calling, or social media interactions.


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It might seem like an extreme step if you're still working on itget over a breakup, but the truth is that cutting ties with an ex is the quickest and most effective way to move on.

Here's everything you need to know about how lockdown works after a breakup:


Some people try to use the no contact rule as a toolhandling(i.e. a way to make your ex miss you so much that he wants you back). But despite what some people on the internet will tell you, no contact isn't particularly effective in getting an ex back.

Just because some people have ex-boyfriends who have reached out to them after a no-contact period doesn't mean it will be the case for everyone.

Trying to boil your ex down to a formula or tailoring their behavior to fit your own needs isn't very empathetic either. Attempting to use the no contact rule in this way can be a sign that you have your own inner work to do, which is a hindrance to your relationship working.

This strategy can also be unhealthy for you because it psychologically ties you to a previous relationship, slowing down your healing process.

Instead, the no-contact rule should applyUdsand help you get away from your ex.

(Video) STOP Being Friends with Your Ex! You're Blocking Your Blessings

It's a comprehensive toolself empowerment. You want to get to the point where you can say, "With or without you, my life is going to be great."


The vast majority of people use love as a drug. They are "placed" by an external source - the presence and consent of another person.

The withdrawal of that feeling that accompanies heartbreak after a relationship ends (and the fear that they don't know how to be happy on their own) can be terrifying.

have faith you will be sad you will grieve. But by applying the no-contact rule, you will also regain strength, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-determination. It also distinguishes “wanting” a partner from “needing” a partner.

practice a lotself careafter your breakup and make an effort not to even see your ex on social media, which will make the healing process even more difficult. (It may be necessary to completely block your ex on social media so the contact doesn't really work.)

Share this journey with someone who “gets” it. This doesn't necessarily have to be your best friend, mind you.

A strong teammate will bolster your flagging spirit when the fight is real. A bad teammate will add to your headaches and problems.

TIED TOGETHER:How to Finally Let Go of Your Ex (And Why It's So Hard)


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Ending a long-term relationship is the worst, especially when your partnerbreak up with youvia SMS or in any other harmful way.

In such cases, it is likely that your ex will know that he or she has misbehaved. They might even wait for you to scream, beg, or demonstrate a meltdown on social media so they can call you "dramatic." This confirms that your decision was correct.

No contact changes the game. It's unpredictable. Without telling your ex that they're wrong, they actually have to sit in their own discomfort... and think... and then regret.

In the meantime, you'll show off your class and let your ex realize he's lost someone very good.


(Video) The Most Powerful Method to Get Over Your Ex! | No One Will Tell You | 3 Step Cord Cutting Method

Losing a relationship often leads to more free time. Use this time wisely to develop emotional intelligence so you have a better chance of succeeding in the future (with or without your ex).

In my job as a coach for women and men, I see 99% of the problems that can be traced back to missing boundaries. "No" is a short word that is not spoken often enough. If you have to choose between liked or respected, always choose the latter.

No contact is a good time for thisdevelop better boundaries,increase self-esteem, and give updysfunctional behaviors you learned in childhood.

When you assess where you went wrong and correct those behaviors, you stand a much better chance of succeeding in your next relationship.

TIED TOGETHER:How long should it really take to process a breakup?


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Single people often lead incredibly vibrant lives: going out dancing, writing poetry and going on trips with their friends.

In a relationship, many people fall headlong into a black hole. You make yourself comfortable. They stop flirting and start fighting. They leave their old friends and an essential part of themselves.

No contact gives you the time and energy to pursue your goals, big and small. Get the MBA. Planning a trip to Morocco. Flirt with cute boy in muay thai class.

You will quickly find that while your life is different without a partner,it's just as cute. When you start smiling and laughing again, you radiate positive vibes. In a short time you will have a large number ofnew admirersfor the world is, after all, in abundance.


The vast majority of people are looking for a relationship wrong. They track attractiveness, money, or physique. If you want lasting love, the kind that gets better with time, you have to think differently. What are your values? What are your essentials?

Here are some of my personal favorites:

  • "I date couples who say 'I'm sorry' and admit their mistakes."
  • "I date couples who believe in mutuality, where there's an equal give and take."
  • "I date couples who believe in commitment and communication."

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(Video) Why You Should NOT Block Your Ex (According a Breakup Coach)

If a recent breakup has left you reeling, think about what values ​​you and your partner were missing.

Make these values ​​non-negotiable in your next relationship.

TIED TOGETHER:9 Signs It's Time To End Your Relationship From A Therapist


In a relationship, sex puts a strain on your bodyOxytocinjDopamine– the “feel good” chemicals in the body. Euphoria often lets you sink into fantasy.

The no contact rule is a detox that brings you back to reality after your relationship ends. You don't see your ex as you want him to be, but as he is. Are you selfish? Coward? A liar? emotionally immaturenarcissistic?

By opening your eyes to reality, you can better decide when an affiliate really is a good long-term bet. Long-term commitment is no joke, so you want a healthy, stable companion for the journey.


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When you stop tying your happiness to your partner, you realize that there is only you in the world. Nobody will save you from your demons.

It is your job to find out why you were born and how you can use it to enrich your lifeSinn.

This work is hard. It's often painful. But it's where life begins, and it starts to get really rich, rewarding, and fun.

You feel younger and wake up full of anticipation for the tasks ahead.

If you've cried your eyes out or are stuck in limbo, it's time for a radical change. It may seem like a bold move at first, but to cut ties with aExvia the no contact rule is the quickest way to move on and get your energy back.

TIED TOGETHER:Is your ex pretending to be your superior? 12 characters + what to do

(Video) Russell Brand On Getting Over His Ex-Girlfriends


Is it best to cut off all contact with an ex? ›

It can feel like an extreme move when you're still working to get over a breakup, but the truth is that cutting off contact with an ex is the fastest, most effective way to truly move on.

Will no contact make my ex move on? ›

So rather than help your ex move on, no contact slows or potentially reverses that. Chasing and contacting your ex is what actually will cause them to move on – and they will be running. It won't be easy to stay in no contact.

Why can it be helpful to cut off contact with a person after a breakup? ›

Staying silent can also help you feel empowered. You're taking charge and showing your ex that you're capable of and willing to live life without them. Whether you're the one who was hurt or the one who ended it, cutting off communication after a breakup puts you in control.

How no contact affects your ex? ›

Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.

What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›

What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? He starts to sense that maybe you might be gone forever. The No Rule Contact will help you see if the strings are attached in your relationship. If he doesn't hear anything from you, no calls or texts in two weeks' time he will start to worry.

How long does no contact take to work? ›

1 For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. 2 For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days. 3 If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.

Do exes miss you during no contact? ›

Because the truth is, during no contact with your ex, they will start to miss you no matter what. What they do with that feeling is dependent on their personality. If you were dating an incredibly stubborn person, it might take months before your ex gives in and reaches out.

What no contact does to a man? ›

The male mind during no contact

The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

Does no contact make Your ex forget about you? ›

The short answer is “no, your ex won't forget about you during no contact” but I'm sure you'd like to know how I know that. Get your ex back with Coach Lee's Emergency Breakup Kit! For starters, the no contact rule is what gets your ex to remember you!

Why silence is powerful with a man? ›

Men respond to silence and distance emotionally. When they don't hear from you for a while, their male instinct pushes them to find you and know how you feel. They want to see if you are fine, if you miss them or whether you value their existence. Strangely enough, it doesn't matter if you like him to not.

What does no contact do to a woman? ›

Going 'no-contact' with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.

Why is it better to cut ties with ex? ›

Staying friends makes the split more difficult

There's a reason that couples aim for a clean break — it's easier on your heart if you have some space away from your ex and your former relationship. It helps you to take the time to heal and get on without your ex's presence in your life.

How do you know he is thinking about me? ›

He asks you lots of questions.

If he wants to know more about you, it's likely that he's been thinking about you. He may also ask you questions or get your opinion about something to see what you think, which is another major clue that you're often on his mind. If he says, “I was wondering what you like to do for fun.

How do you know if he doesn't miss you? ›

15 painful signs he doesn't miss you
  • You always start the conversation.
  • He doesn't check how you are.
  • He's busy all the time.
  • He seems to be distracted when you're together.
  • He doesn't give genuine excuses.
  • Long-drawn-out responses to your phone calls or messages.
  • He is unresponsive to your phone calls or messages.
Jul 4, 2022

How long does it take men to miss someone? ›

So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.

What are signs of dumpers remorse? ›

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.
  • They begin to communicate with you.
  • They apologize for the breakup.
  • They show more affection.
  • They discuss issues in their present relationship.
  • They try to atone for past mistakes.
  • They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
  • They stalk you.
Jul 8, 2022

How to make your ex miss you? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022

How long does it take for an ex to miss you without contact? ›

In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”

Will leaving her alone make her miss me? ›

So yes, if you leave your ex alone and give them time, they will miss you. They will start to remember the good times, the experiences you shared, those moments you had, the connection you had, and you just have to let them do that on their terms, which is so difficult.

How long does it take for a man to realize he messed up? ›

Men often go through an emotional state called “Dumpers Remorse” after the woman finally goes away. This state hits after one month to six weeks after the man passes through the initial happy phase after a breakup. He starts to give away signs he knows he messed up the whole thing from that time.

Does no contact work on stubborn man? ›

In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people. While I'm not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.

Can no contact make feelings come back? ›

Take a break

This is where the no-contact option comes to play. Lost feelings can come back, but you have to prove that you are worth being in a relationship with and you don't achieve that by being clingy and needy. So, start by taking a break.

Why silence is the best revenge? ›

Silence speaks volumes

Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.

What happens when you go quiet on a guy? ›

Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.

What makes a man miss you? ›

Simply be courteous and keep some physical distance between you two whenever you meet. Let him have his space but do let him know you miss him once in a while. Remind him of the fun things you did together before but not anymore. Communicate instead of giving the cold shoulder, hoping to send a message.

Why is no contact so effective? ›

The no contact rule is so effective because it helps you break the cycle of constant communication and contact with your ex. Instead, you get the opportunity to step back from them emotionally and physically.

Is no contact manipulative? ›

“No Contact” Uses Manipulation & Control

If we look even deeper into Reactance Theory in psychology, you see warnings about it. Businesses talk about Reactance Theory and study it as what not to do to their customers. Customers don't like feeling pressured. They don't like the feeling of freedom being taken away.

Does no contact work on an emotionally unavailable woman? ›

Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.

Is blocking an ex the best way to move on? ›

As a general rule of thumb, ignoring your ex and then getting back in contact later is used for getting an ex back. On the other hand, blocking an ex is probably one of the best ways to actually get over an ex, assuming you can keep them blocked.

Is it healthy to stay close to your ex? ›

According to the research, staying friends with an ex for security and practicality is more likely to have positive outcomes. When you've known someone intimately, you trust them and rely on them for emotional support and help.

Should I Unadd my ex on everything? ›

Deleting your ex can help your brain move on from the relationship. Even if you have no ill-will towards a past lover, getting them off of your social media feeds and out of your mind is the best way to train your brain to move forward, Chan said.

Should I completely ignore my ex during no contact? ›

Ignoring your ex after your breakup with a no contact rule is the best thing you could do and here's a quick rundown of why it works so well: It allows you more time to focus on yourself and lead an improved life.

When should you cut your ties with your ex? ›

There are a number of conditions that make it a bad idea to get stay in touch with an ex: You might be too heartbroken, they may not be a healthy person to have in your life, or there may just be too much baggage for you two to have a normal relationship. These are all valid reasons to stay out of each other's lives.

Why you shouldn't delete your ex? ›

It'll only worsen your pain

Your first instinct is, in the interest of self-preservation, to delete the number of the person who broke your heart. If you don't, you just know that you'll contact them in a moment of weakness. To spare yourself the pain, that number has to go. That's just the way it has to be.

Does blocking an ex hurt them? ›

Does blocking your ex hurt them? Yes. Being blocked by your ex can be painful. Despite breaking up and getting over your ex, accepting that your ex has cut contact with you can be difficult.

Is it immature to unfollow an ex? ›

To some, unfollowing an ex on social media can sound childish and immature, but unless you've first-hand experienced the pain of seeing an ex move on quicker than you, you won't understand how crucial it is.

Why does my ex want to stay in contact? ›

It can be because your partner wants to brag about himself/herself. Maybe your ex wants to make you feel jealous of his/her new partner. Or if he/she wants to show off how successful he/she has become after moving on from the breakup. You can easily sense his/her true intention through his/her messages.

What is he thinking after a week of no contact? ›

After several days, he'll wonder what you're doing and why you're silent. It's common for most men to expect (or hope) that their ex will be the one to break the ice, and he'll worry when you haven't called or texted in a week. He'll be obsessed with trying to figure out what you're thinking.

How do you know if an ex will come back? ›

Things You Should Know

Your ex might return if they unblock your number and keep an eye on you with social media. They may also try to contact you again. Once you're talking again, your ex might reminisce about the past, compliment you, ask to meet in person, or apologize for their mistakes.

When should you not take your ex back? ›

These are six important reasons as to why you need to avoid getting back with your ex for the sake of your mental health:
  1. You would be settling. ...
  2. Some things do not change. ...
  3. It can get emotionally abusive. ...
  4. You will end up in the same cycle. ...
  5. It might feel like an emotionally heavy task. ...
  6. Unresolved issues might come back.
Dec 1, 2020

When should you be over an ex? ›

So, how long does it take to get over someone? Well, research suggests you can get over someone in three to six months, longer for a marriage (more on that in a bit).


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